Things I learned on my way to Landmark, Manitoba

This past weekend, my friend Matt held the first bbq of the season at his place. He was pretty "amped" about it and was adament about the festivities commencing at 6pm sharp. I had made arrangments with Alexa to pick her up at 5:45 so we could be there at approximately 6:15pm... a fashionably late arrival. However, as I left for her house at only 5:50, things were already behind schedule.

Alexa and I decided we needed to bring a fruit tray and we also needed some co-op boy action (a.k.a... I needed gas) so we made our stops, turned out Dallis was working at Sobeys so we hung out with him for a bit and then slowly made our way back to the car and set out for Landmark. Not really knowing where I was going, I thought the right way was down Lag, so as I drove all the way down Henderson not realizing what I was doing, I was like, well shit, I'm going the wrong way. I got onto Lag from Talbot, no biggie, and finally when I hit Bishop Grandin I'm like... well where the hek do I go from here? Too ashamed to phone Matt first, considering it's almost 6:30, but with unsuccessful calls elsewhere, Matt was the last resource. With disappointment in his voice, he says "You guys haven't even left yet" and I'm like "NO NONO!! We're almost there Matt! I'm on Lag!" And then he starts giving directions, however, I'm already way too far down the 59 to take them. So then he starts putting other random people on the phone to give me directions who also have no idea how to get to Landmark any other way but from Fermor. Damn. So... I'm like, whatever babee... let's just hit it. So we keep driving down Lag and then see a sign that says "<- Landmark" and we're like hek yes we found it. So I turn left and get into this town and call Matt and am like "Matty I dont' know which house is yours" So he's like "You're here!?!?" evidently his excitement is rising at this point, "I'll just go outside and wave to you" So he's in his front yard and then is like "Dude I don't see you at all" and I'm like "Yeah... " He's like... "You're in @#$%ing Ile de Chene" and I look up, see the colossal grain mill in front of me reading "Ile de Chene" and close my phone. Game over. The sign said turn left.

After getting new directions from Brit and not following them, thus leading me all the way to Steinbach, Manitoba, then receiving more directions from Kyle and following them, Alexa and I arrive in Landmark on Matt's front door step at 8pm; a meer 2 hours late. No big deal... right? We brought a fruit tray!

Thankfully Matt wasn't too distraught over our arrival which was a little too fashion. I think he may have been distracted by Skylor's wet suite and goggle ensemble choice for the evening. Either way, as frustrating as the drive up was... I learned a couple of life lessons along the way.

1. Alexa doesn't give a "flying fuck" about life while on the highway.
2. Not only am I bad at highway driving, I'm bad at life.
3. When people give you directions, follow them.
4. Why I'm hot... THIS is why I'm hot... 5x over.
5. Landmark is NOT worth the trip... only Steinbach is (it is right?).

In conclusion, number 5 on my list of lessons learned sums it all up... Landmark is not worth the trip ladies and gentlemen... However the evening did prove to be successful; quality time with my BFF, gained 20 pounds in hummus, got to witness a real Dallas Green sing-a-long, etc. etc. The real fun of Saturday night though, I must admit, took place in the company of family and friends... and some other randoms... with fruit dip.

That's a wrap.

Fasting...

Today I decided that I was going to go on a fast from myspace and msn until May the 1st. I wonder if I can do it.

See, this afternoon, as I was at my desk, SWAMPED, papers piling up all around me, the fax machine rurring with incoming messages, all four lines on my phone ringing (k, maybe not all simultaneously, but consecutively... all day) I was still managing to be on myspace and attempting to log on to my msn through meebo. Maybe it's just me and I'm lazy, which I'm usually not, and I'm easily swayed by anything to stand in the way of doing the work I have at hand. However I don't think that's the case. I think I'm addicted. That's bad news. Also... these two specific Internet activities (yes I'd say myspace is an activity) have been causing a lot more stress in my life than need be. Why cause that for myself? Well... I'm saving my own day I guess. I'm taking action and removing the stress from my life. So I say farewell my babies; so long myspace I'll be stalking again soon, adieu msn I'll be back chatting in no time.

Weee ooooo. It's sad to say that this is going to be extremely difficult. I hope everyone has my cell number and facebook that's all I have to say. I would beat my own system wouldn't I. Haha..

Grace...

This past year I took part in a program that exists for the sole purpose to get youth passionate about God and with that passion at hand, go out into the world. For two months of this program I lived in the Republic of Vanuatu doing "missions" work... for the good of the kingdom.

While in Vanuatu, with the intent of leading people to the Lord, an enormous amount of questions were raised in my head about receiving salvation. Phrases such as "become a Christian", "Ask Jesus into your heart", etc. etc. really make me think.

While my team was street preaching, doing dramas in the middle of the road, one-on-one evangelizing and so on, I was thinking about this conversion experience that we were aiming for in these people's lives. All these efforts were so that they would take action and verbally accept the Lord into their lives. As they did, they came alongside what we were saying/preaching/acting and accept our belief system, theology, practices, and even our own personal conviction, as their own. At that point they became a stat, a mark on our paper under "salvation received" and then we moved onto the next. Don't even get me started on the stats, aside from them, a major point of struggle for me was this: just because they told me they wanted to "make Jesus their best friend" and repeated after me... were they actually saved? They knew only what I told them in the last 15 minutes of their life that they had spent with me. So at the end of that 15 minutes, when all was said and done and they had a bible in their hands, had their lives changed? Or... did their lives NEED to change? There's no possible way that in that instant, Jesus became their best friend, and as for Jesus coming into their hearts.. I don't even know what the hell to think about that.

Oh Lord, I'm confusing myself.

Okay so, is that how you "become a Christian"? Is the physical act of verbalizing your desire for Christ to atone your life, the point when grace is received? Is it really in that moment when God is like "okayyy wait for it... and BINGO... now my blood has covered her"? Or is it a life-long process of figuring things out, living your life for good and rejecting evil? Or could it really be a specific point of when you accept the fact that there is hope in God and you want to live your life with that hope, but it could potentially be at a different point than when you vocalized your desire for it and in that... if you just ask Jesus into your heart.. you're missing the boat? If grace is received in the recited prayer, and having a defining moment as a believer is crucial... I might have a problem with it, and my view of God might be completely skewed.

I know that Jesus came to seek and save the lost... being us. I know that while we were still sinners Christ died for us. I know that Jesus' death on the cross was the ultimate sacrifice for the world and through it, the world received grace. So grace is offered to every single person, when do we receive it?

To bring this to a conclusion... throughout the missions work that I did in Vanuatu, I saw validity in the sharing knowledge of the hope that is found in Jesus Christ. There's nothing like it and I know that it has changed my life... everyone deserves to know. However... should it have stopped there? Should there not have been a defining moment of people "becoming Christians"? Was it real when they did? Was grace received as a result of those moments, or will it come on its own... the repeat-after-me being a waste of time?

I'll stop before this gets even more incoherent.

...Yuck. I'm so uneducated.

Expanding my vocabulary

So lately I've been feeling as though my vocabulary is somewhat limited. It seems to me as though I continually use the same words in all different circumstances. There's no variety in what I'm saying. So... in order to be pro-active in this situation. I've begun to make a habit of checking in the thesaurus for new words when I catch myself using the same one all the time (take notes by the way, this is how you become really cool like me...). For example, yesterday I realized that whenever something is well... rather large, I generally say it's "huge". Right? So I decided that it was time to do something about this. My fingers flew and there I was on thesaurus.com with "huge" in the entry box. Seconds later I had a list of synonyms in front of my eyes. I had to laugh out loud because there, right after "brobdingnagian" and "behemothic" followed "big mother". BIG MOTHER!? I think that it is rather hilarious that "big mother" could possibly make it into the thesaurus. Why would Lexico Publishing group want to insert such a derogatory phrase with mothers as the target, into their thesaurus? I think it's safe to say that there were no mothers on the editing team. I can't say, that in an attempt to broaden my usage of the vast amount of words in the English language, I will begin using "big mother". See, I've already been saying "big mother" for quite some time now, however, little did I know that as I was using that term, I was in fact being... correct? Anyways, there was only one synonym for the word "huge" that I think I will take with me into my every day word list; "colossal". I think I could hack it. I'm going to consider my vocabulary colossally expanded.

Split

After a full day of hanging out with my sister and being rather comfortable... I decided that it was time to change for church. As I head into my room I toss around the idea of attempting to put on some jeans that BEFORE I travelled fit quite loosely, but since being home... I have not been able to get myself into. I think that there might be a possibility of fitting into them so I decide to give it a go. Sure enough, after sweat had been broken, the jeans were on. Even though they were oh... just a tad bit tight I was feeling pretty good. Hey.. I got into them didn't I? As I head downstairs for supper before we leave, I am feeling SUPERB. Supper goes by un-eventfully, good conversation, a couple of laughs... a typical dinner, and then it's time to clean up. As I start clearing the table, a fork hits the floor. Without hesitation I swoop down to retreive the dirty silverware and then it happens. All hell breaks loose. Well not quite.. but my leg sure does. The sound of splitting denim has never been my favorite, especially when it's coming from such close proximity to my own body. There she was... my erupted thigh. As I stood there with my leg unveiled; free for the world to see, my confidance slowly started depleting. The carefree attitude I bore only minutes before had now dissolved. I put the dirty fork on the counter and slowly made my way back up to my bedroom to put on the jeans that I knew would fit... I can't afford to buy new jeans for the sheer fact that I want to fit into the small ones. So I'm wearing stretch jeans today... no point in risking any more explosions of flesh from my clothing. No... never again.

General BAD

Angry. That is the only emotion that I feel every single morning as I wake up at 5:20, leave my house at 5:49, as I get on my bus at 5:57 and as I arrive at General Scrap at 6:23. Yes General Scrap, that's where I work... just wanna throw that out there... it's called General Scrap. I really am surprised at my own emotion though because 5:49am does seem just a tad early to have any emotion at all... nevermind such a strong one such as anger. I do surprise myself, I must say.
Moving on. The focal point of this here blog is not the anger that I feel in the wee hours of the morning as I start my day at work, it is however, the fact that I can not function as a normal human being with normal human emotions at that time of day.
*Side note: As I just wrote that I am reminded of a lady in Vanuatu who approached me asking me to pray for her child who was "not normal". Crazy story. Ask me about it if you want to lol. I'm sorry I just got distracted by my own self.
As I sit at my desk staring at my computer screen, blinking with an ever-so-slow shutter speed on my eyelids, the things crossing my mind are these:
a) Absolutely nothing. I've heard that females do not have a "nothing box" but at 6:30 am I beg to disagree.
b) Sleep. Sometimes my heart hurts with longing for my bed.
c) Hate for General Scrap. At times profanity runs through my brain directed at General Scrap itself, the uncouth noises my chair makes every time I take a breath, the tiny heater under my desk that does not keep me warm, the fact that I'm a temp and I have to be the hardest core employee at work at 6:30am alone, etc. etc.
I would say the list goes on, but the list really doesn't go on because I don't think my brain could muster up anything else to focus on. Funny that I don't think about if there's any work to do hey? Ha. There is one other thing that I will admit DOES cross my mind only because I can't say that anger and tiredness are my favorite things; How can I wake up?
As I started writing this blog, the intent was to discuss how I have had to start drinking coffee to awaken myself, even though I absolutely despise it and basically dry-heave through every sip but turns out, I got completely carried away with negativity about my job. I wanted to outline why coffee is, in fact, a horrible drink and makes your breath smell, puts ugly coffee rings on papers and desks, not to mention just tastes bad in general. I guess in any direction this could have gone it was bound to be negative.
Well... case and point. I was angry when I got up this morning, I'm angry drinking coffee right now, and well... I think I'll continue to be angry until lunch time at 11 when I might start to wake up.
In conclusion don't ever work at General Scrap it will bring down your overall enjoyment of life and... I'm sorry about this poorly written and disjointed blog :S
Have a nice day :)
Peace.

Allow me to introduce myself...

My name is Vanessa. I've been born, raised, named and even tamed in Winnipeg. I'm not a rapper. I do however, thoroughly enjoy a good book, good music, and good fellowship. My friends are incredible; they are where my loyalty lies. I have three older sisters; all three of them are truly the definition of lovely. My parents have been the most influencial people in my life which has been both my privelege and my downfall. Love is a complication in my life; the predicament being that I fall into it at a fairly fast pace; with people, things, and places... you name it. In all honesty, I just have a lot of love and I'm discovering that I need to be more guarded in how I give it away. I recently got home from Australia where I spent the last 6 months of my life. Suffice it to say, it was an incredible experience, one that I will remember forever. This past year my life has changed dramatically; I'm now a person I didn't know was possible. I believe in God and have faith in my salvation through his son, Jesus Christ, who died on the cross. I'm in the midst of exploring what this means in my life and how to live in unison with what I believe. I'm excited about life and learning; we'll see where it takes me...