One of the many oddities about life, is the inability to maintain organization within thoughts, emotions, memories, and experiences. The times are countless when a memory has masterly tip toed in and re-kindled feelings thought to be long gone, and scenes dubbed acted and closed. Yet the lessons that are learned when these thoughts have dared to re-haunt are those that had yet to been learned and it is now that you are mildly able to, in the smallest of scales, weigh maturity and the lengths you have come since those years, months, and days that thankfully time has left behind.
As I sat yesterday amidst neighbors and strangers discussing blatantly the truths of our hearts, ashamedly leaving the weight of our words for the ears of those sitting close to bear, for a split second my words halted and I was perfectly aware of myself. Surrounded by my own panic, the most natural form of self-consciousness flowed over me. For a moment I sat across a small table from myself and watched the fake, real, sincere and concerned words flow from my mouth. Then it was gone, my sentence attempted to be put back together and in the name of distraction the conversation continued but with a lingering film of realization blurring my sight. Interesting.
The end of an era is drawing near to me quickly and with fearsome steps forward I approach the time with tears. It is shocking even to myself, how tangible are the breaking of ties between myself and my mother and padre. A seemingly physical procedure leaves me hanging with my new companion to re-attach myself to, leading us into a whold new world. Aladdin's words have never held so much weight in my life. It is then that the tears of joy race down my face for part 2 of the crying sensation featuring myself in my dark, dreary living room along with indescribeable feeling of soaring, tumbling, and freewheeling through an endless diamond sky. Ahhh, what a lonesome apartment will lead you to write. Putting my loneliness aside, I will boldly say that May 9th could not come sooner. Though terribly content with my current quality of life, I am more than confident that this life is going to only get better once that day has passed... It's meant to be.
Awake and dreaming,
this was,
Vanessa.
