Comblez nous de tes richesses seigneur

Lately I have been pondering my identity. Ah, the eighteen year old in me returns but this time there is no Australia to run off to (yes there is, but it is not an option) and no mind-warping from bonkers Christian organizations. There is me and there is real life.

This semester I am taking a course entitled "Gender and Mennonites". Despite the fact that weekly seminars and article reviews are stripping this class of its full potential, it is enlightening and this past week I read an article that really made me think about who I am, why I am this way and what I want to be. I am a Mennonite, a title that oozes connotations of all sorts, some of which I am happy to embrace and others my husband and I have decided will not be practiced in our home. A Mennonite is far from all that I am though; I am a woman, I am a student, I am a wife, I am a runner, I am a cyclist, I am a coffee lover (can one find identity in loving coffee?), I am a [wannabe] crafter, I am a follower of God. The list goes on. How is it possible to find identity in so many interests, passions and desires.

This summer when Landen and I were studying in Montreal, we went to a church service at the Notre Dame Cathedral, which, if I do say so myself, is far more breathtaking than that of Paris. It was a traditional Catholic service which was in French - a new experience for me, vocabulary and setting that I am un-familiar with. I was pleased that I understood most of what was going on with the exception of some songs, but who's kidding who, I can't figure out the words of English songs either. A phrase that has stuck with me since then was the congregations repeated response to the priest. Comblez nous de tes richesses seigneur. Loosely translated (I don't find identity in translation): Let your riches complete us Lord. The bible says to find your identity in Christ. Correction: church tells us to find our identity in Christ, I haven't actually read it for myself, but I do trust that it is in there. In the years that Jesus walked the earth, religion defined who people were. Jew or Gentile. Identity was found in your beliefs. That is not the way the world, or Canada rather, works today; the marriage between church and state has long been disintegrated. I do find value in finding identity in your beliefs and your god, but if it were that simple, well... It just isn't. Despite my apparent critical nature, this small phrase has been ringing in my ear since July and I have not yet grown tired of its rhyme and I will continue my childlike muse of life.

Too heavy for midnight. My tea is cold and my toast is done, let the dream-filled slumber begin.

V. xo