The wonder years, et cetera.

While sipping tea amidst lamp lighting in the dark of an evening, my oldest sister and I sat reminiscing over our childhood; the wonder years. Chuckling to laughing to shrieking the stories unravelled and memories that we thought were long gone, surfaced. Ecstasy. The camping, the lemonade stands, and the babysitting; What times have been better than those?

Childhood innocense was ignorance as bliss. During those long hours of sandbox creations how could I have imagined what life as an adult would entale? Rent, loathsome employment, crucial decisions, and so on and so on.

Recently I have become more aware than ever of the faults that I have been cursed with, or rather, the once small flaws that I have allowed to evolve into my character. To name them would be embarassing as the list is far too long for ambition to overcome in near future. It seems as though, it is not quite as easy as it once was, to be a decent human being, in fact it is getting harder everyday. The realization that my character needs to be tended to, that I need to conciously decide to better myself in my everyday choices, actions, and words is overwhelming. How can it be that I haven't thought of this sooner? For now it seems too hard; too late to be beautiful.

Self-loathing slash pity aside, I enjoy the idea that there is still hope for me. It so happens that time is on my side; sitting on the meer age of 20, there is still days, nay, years - God willing - to enhance my current self, for my childhood morale to be seized, and evolve once more into the person that I so long to be.

Though I can't say I am un-satisfied with my current life, in fact it is turning out beautifully, yet, I can't help but sigh and utter those disgustingly familiar words ... Oh, to be a child again.

Signing off,
V.